I wanted to share how it has not yet got easier for me... it is difficult still in different ways!
This is me say 4 years ago at the start of my journey, and this is me now, still on my journey!
So, what are the main difficulties you face when starting to lose weight?
1. Motivation
THEN: I started losing weight for a number of reasons..... I felt self conscious on nights out (I was the fat friend in a bunch of amazingly stunning women... yep my friends are hot!!), I was medically in a bad place I was suffering with my PCOS and was on numerous tablets a day constantly having hot flushes, feeling crap, being told I couldn't have children. I generally felt rubbish... tired, run down and hated how I looked BUT I was having so much fun, wasn't short of male attention (quite possibly because I lacked self respect!), I was out partying every weekend and had a laugh!
But my motivation was wanting to feel less self conscious and I actually wanted to look nice and be able to share clothes with my friends and feel normal!! I wanted to not be 25 and on 15 tablets a day!!
The beauty of being so big and embarking on a weight loss journey is the results start showing relatively fast, that keeps you motivated in itself! Nothing is more motivating than seeing the weight coming off when jumping on those scales... So.... once it had clicked in my mind that I was doing this the motivation was there!!
NOW: So now? I don't feel self conscious on nights out as I actually think I look pretty good (that isn't arrogance, but confidence), I am so much better on ZERO medication and don't suffer much with my PCOS, I do have hot flushes still though which is SO annoying and totally random! My self respect has sky rocketed, maybe too much to the extreme but hey i'm ok with that!! I have loads of energy and generally feel good! So, what's my motivation?
In some respects it was easier THEN as I had some quite obvious motivation, but now? I guess my motivation is fear. I fear going back to how I was...Fear isn't the nicest form of motivation, therefore, for me it is probably harder now than at the start as I know what I have to lose (or gain in this situation), I know if I don't drag my ass out of bed and get to the gym that I may end up turning into the girl I was back then and I don't want that!! I do have so much fun still with my life but now I have no say no to things.... no I can't go out drinking 3 nights on the run, why? because it will impact my food, training and general health. So the now probably is tougher than the then in terms of motivation as I'm doing it for health now and fear.... not the results I wanted at the start. It's also much harder as my results are no longer coming every week as they were... I constantly have to remind myself that this is a marathon not a sprint, when I was used to the sprint, not the marathon.
2. Temptation & Willpower
Then: Anyone who has lost weight or is trying to lose weight knows that temptations are always put infront of you! The temptation to go get a take out, to eat some chocolate, to order a pudding in a restaurant even though you know you're meant to be being good! This is possibly the hardest thing as you're so used to eating what you want you just wish you could continue to do so!!
So yes, it is tough!! You just have to remind yourself that the results are worth saying no for! It's also worth thinking about the fact that the time you actually eat the treat for isn't that long so is it really worth being disheartened with the results next week? Probably not. Admittedly though... temptation is a mind game and it's all about you and how much you want the results!
NOW: By far the hardest part of the journey still!! Every day I wake up with the same temptations... I want chocolate, pizza, a subway sandwich! Those thoughts are always still there but I still have that willpower to say no! What is probably a little easier these days is the fact that I have experienced that feeling of frustration and being disheartened when the results don't come... this in itself reminds me that sometimes having that donut just isn't worth it!
But...I have days where I crack! there are two types of treats for me 1. Controlled and 2. A binge. I try to limit my controlled treats to once a week or fortnight. I sometimes fit things into my macros to curb the cravings without feeling the guilt i.e. musclefood pizzas, a bag of M&Ms, but I occasionally will also have what I call a cheat meal and go grab a pick and mix without thinking about the calories, or go out for dinner and drinks with the girls and have a night off! The next day though I am straight back to it and feel no guilt...It happens and I controlled it and knew it was happening.
The second type of treat though....The binge! Sometimes this happens to me, infact it happened today!! I get this overwhelming feeling of needing something! it isn't planned, and I still cannot control it! Tonight I ate half a jar of nutella (around 100g, 500 calories!) I needed something sweet, I knew it was wrong, I feel some guilt now, actually I feel annoyed with myself, but it happens!! I have no idea what causes these binges and I HATE that they still happen....surely you'd think after so much time I would lose this part of me that can't control myself but no!
So... i'm sorry to say but the temptation side of thing doesn't get easier. The only difference between now and then is that I now know the impact of the temptation and can use this to control it a little, but the thoughts are still there!!
3. Finally....The Goal
I don't need to split this into then and now as this one is very simple. The end game never gets closer as your goals change! When I first started my goal was to be a size 10 pair of jeans.... I have never got into a size 10 and now that isn't my goal. When are we really happy? What is the ultimate goal?
Our minds change all the time whether it be due to the media, due to health, due to personal experiences they do change! When I was losing weight all I cared about was the dress size but now I don't really consider dress size! I only consider the fact I do not want to be going up a dress size but whether i'm a 10 or 12 or 14 doesn't mean anything to me really! What matters now is 1. Am I fit / healthy? Yes...I am relatively fit but I want to be fitter! I want to be able to run my 10k in 1 hour, I want to be physically very active! 2. Am I strong? Yes...but I want more! I want to deadlift 100kg, I want to squat 100kg, I want to do pull ups....
These goals were not my goals before! My appearance? I wanted to be confident and no longer feel self conscious! Yes...I'm confident and definitely not self conscious (when clothed!), however, I still have massive issues with how I look naked, but I have learnt to accept that most women do whereas before I thought it was just me!
Do I want to be better than I am now? YES! who doesn't?
I guess what I'm trying to say is it is so hard to say whether the end game becomes easier as right now I feel like my goal is a lifetime away, but back then I felt that too! As you change and become fitter, thinner, healthier.... the goals become more about strength, fitness etc... you constantly evolve and constantly want more.
I guess the main purpose of this article is to show those people who constantly say "it's so much easier for you now though" that...well, it isn't! I personally think it is harder now than it was then but for different reasons. Sometimes a lack of education and some ignorance is actually not a bad thing and that's what I had when I was bigger! I didn't know the impact of certain foods on my body, I didn't care what no exercising would do to me, I just enjoyed my party lifestyle!
Now though? I educated myself on it all and I am now so much stricter and had to sacrifice some of that party lifestyle for it....
I wouldn't change my journey for anything, but I would like people to acknowledge that actually it never is as easy as you may think and we still all experience challenges regardless of where we are in the journey! xxx
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